Not All Captivity Is Physical - Reflections on Domestic Violence

One of the most common questions asked about domestic violence is:

"Why didn't they just leave?"

While often well-intentioned, this question can overlook the complex dynamics that keep people trapped in abusive relationships.

I was doing my own professional development today, reading some literature by Judith Herman “Trauma & Recovery: The aftermath of Violence — From Domestic ABuse to Political Terror, Chapter 4 - Captivity”, I found myself reflecting on the concept of captivity. Not captivity in the traditional sense of locked doors and prison cells, but the forms of captivity that can be created through coercive control, dependency, fear, isolation, and psychological manipulation. The use of psychological frameworks to break down another human’s psyche and spirit so they themselves - stay captive.

Repeated trauma requires a form of captivity. It can occur politically, psychologically, economically, socially, legally – and within families….

Captivity is created – it’s not accidental.

It is constructed through isolation, dependency, humiliation, threats and intermittent rewards (also known as love bombing).
They function together to reduce a person’s ability to leave - even psychologically.

We often think of captivity as something physical: a locked door, a prison cell, a concentration camp.

But captivity can also be created psychologically, socially, emotionally, economically, and systematically.

It is created; it is not accidental. Yet it can appear invisible when women and children are not being physically chained, at least not to the eyes of the rest of the world.

Captivity in domestic violence is constructed through a set of well-documented behaviours designed to break down another person’s sense of self and autonomy. These also occur in political prisons.

The big difference is, often the prisoners know they are being abused placing them at an advantage- with DV victims, this is often not the case and the abuse takes them off guard.

Over time, the prison on the outside moves to the inside. So the abuser doesn’t have to do much, as the abuse becomes internalised.

For survivors, I have noticed that learning the language of domestic violence can be incredibly powerful, giving voice to what once felt invisible. Of the techniques and strategies used to create dynamics where they did things they would never have done - had fear and coercion and being broken down, not been present.

It helps people understand the strategies that were used to break down their wellbeing and sense of self, rather than viewing the impact as a personal failing.

A powerful question to reflect on when working with domestic violence and trauma is:

“Did this person have genuine freedom to think, choose, act, and leave without overwhelming consequences?”

Because if not, they were being held captive.