Controversial Opinion: I do get attached as a therapist.

Often, when I share with people what I do for a living, people say, “Wow, how do you detach?”

For ages, I would pause, unsure how to answer. Throw out a few, “Oh, just lots of self-care, I guess.”

To be honest, these days I smirk a bit to myself and say:

“I don’t.”

My clients regularly pop into my head throughout sessions. I care deeply for them.

When I do feel their stuff weighing on me, I feel it.
And then, in my mind’s eye, I send them all the love, compassion and healing energy in the world.

Before you come at me, boundaries and self-awareness are needed in the therapy chair — in any relationship, for that matter.

Enmeshment, rescuing, being a saviour to someone… this isn’t a dynamic that is helpful for anyone. Often, it’s pointing to our own unresolved stuff as a therapist.

But when attachment can be rooted in safety, genuine care, compassion… this can create lasting change for people.

A restorative experience.

I heard this quote once said by a therapist (wish I could remember who so I could credit them… but this is not my own).

“People are paying me for my nervous system.”

I couldn’t agree more.

I could have all the skills in CBT, or the best therapeutic modality, but this doesn’t support lasting change — the relationship does.

We are supposed to get attached.
It is how the best interventions can happen.

I still think about my early clients, even those in placement days.

Glad our paths intertwined and how much I learnt and that I could be on their journey, even if it was for a short while.

So…

Let the work affect you.

Let yourself feel.

You will be better off for it.

(& the irony is, you will “detach” better too.)